THE CREATURE

“I can get you pregnant.”

I  will give you a little more, no, not just a little, much more context, so you can follow and understand how I ended up in a bed with a very, very indeed, beyond handsome, blue-eyed guy. The type of deep ocean blue anyone can see when sailing on a boat on your way to the great barrier reef or, in fact, on your way to any island in the Australian waters, having him, explaining to me, how he can get me pregnant.

I arrived at an outdoor private Chilean party next to the beach at sunset time. I'm not from Chile but all the travelers in this particular town were from that country. I won my invitation performing one of the bravest acts an adult person can carry out in this century: the act of asking for help.

I was new in the community, trying to put myself out there, so I did what all the travelers do when they just arrive. I posted a message on social media. 

“Hey, beautiful people.”

Like it or not, on social media, we need to sound cool and compliment others if we are pursuing positive feedback, even though you have never seen their faces or deal with their personalities. Thankfully to new generations speaking up, freely showing off their bodies, changing the parameters of beauty and intelligence, the word “beautiful” applies to everyone on the entire planet. 

So hooray, and let’s keep it going!!!

Back to my post:

“Hey beautiful people___, I’m fucking scared. I had this crazy idea of traveling alone to a new country where I don’t know anybody, everyone speaks a different language and has a unique accent, that YO NO COMPRENDO. Having processed all this unnecessary information, would you be interested in helping me, becoming my friend?.”

Nah, I didn’t write that, however, that was the hidden meaning behind it. I played chill and someone commented back!

I think she was more scared than me.

I won’t say much about her yet, that’s another breakup story for another time when I can sit down,  replay it and write about how another female friend borrowed some of my time, my laughs, my heart and gave it all back when she no longer needed it and surprisingly, I went along with it, without throwing a tantrum.

She invited me to the party I mentioned earlier. I assisted since I would never miss a party. 

I arrived, it was really dark, loads of people standing, chatting, eating, and drinking. Everyone was brownish and petite, like me! So I blended in. But he, he absolutely didn’t.

Taller than the rest, bright fluorescent blonde hair, fresh face with a curious look on his eyes and a troublemaker aspect that you know, you all know what I mean, someone so exceedingly fucking attractive that you could only dream about, that without a doubt, any moment you´ll expend along his side it’s going to be so good and extreme that it’ll take you down.

I’m at a certain age and time where I consider myself a more mature person, an older woman with more wisdom in terms of human connections, I would say nearly becoming a Jedi of letting things and people go, easier than before. 

But, BUT, when I saw this person because I’m able to read my own signs, I immediately understood how badly I will lose my shit for him.

So I did, I lost it. I was long gone, swimming in his blue ocean fucker eyes. 

That should be a color, the color which identifies crazy, exceptional, bad shitty things, so as soon as you visualize it, you stop and slowly, silently, turn around and drive away. 

I saw it, went around it, and parked right on top of him. To be more accurate, when he told me what he told me, I was precisely under him.

Music was playing, everyone was screaming, in Spanish. 

My mother tongue is Spanish too, but given that I was a newbie, I was still speaking quietly, not yet screaming.

At that moment, this amazingly good looking creature was looking at everyone, he was seated less than four feet away from me, not understanding a word, probably about to leave. Due to this, I opened a twelve-ounce bottle of courage and decided to speak to him. 

I leaned in with my body towards him, releasing the screamer inside me: 

“WHERE__ARE YOU FROM?.”

He turned his neck in my direction, looking right at me, literally, his neck moved so fast and perfectly aimed my face as if he was a killer robot aiming at his next victim.

THE CREATURE replies: 

“I can’t hear you.”- He said and instantly looked away. 

All my twenty-nine year old woman’s confidence went away like a breeze. Nah, it went away more like when you're shit faced, vomiting and your puke leaves your body while also, taking your soul and leaving your corpse dead on a bathroom floor.

Despite the rejection I had just experienced, in my mind, I could only hear one thought:

“ Oh, I love him”

What just happened here was a perfect "DO NOT ENTER, DANGER" prompt.

My mind incorrectly translated: “I love him.”

Signals: “RED FLAG, ICEBERG AHEAD, TURN AROUND.”

My stubborn mind: “I loved him more than 1.5 seconds ago.”

Signals kept hitting my forehead: 

“BE AWARE OF DICK, WALK AWAY!.”

So, what else was I supposed to do?.

People, I was in love. 

Love, love, love, love, love, capital letter love.

“L.O.V.E.”

“Loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”

The night went on.

I talked to lots of people.

He stayed, he talked to lots of people too. 

When I commence talking to another interesting french guy about doing a hike tomorrow to a local waterfall, I could see the creature smoothly approaching my defenseless body.

THE CREATURE says: 

“Can I come?.”

NO COOL ME: “You can do whatever you want with, and, to me.”

REAL ME, COOL ME: “Yeah, whatever.”

THE CREATURE: “Write down my number.”

Later that night I was walking on a colossal hill, making my way home, barely breathing, not because I was running or someone was chasing me, it was just that I wasn’t in shape for that big motherfucker hill. When, somehow, the lack of oxygen affected me so I texted him.

“Hey, this is COOL, save my number. See ya tomorrow.”

I went into the building, took the stairs to the third floor, entered the house, and finally took my pants off.

THE CREATURE replies:

“Why not now?.”

The bright light of the screen illuminated the tremendous terrifying smile on my face. Within a second I put on sexy clean panties and I rolled down that steep amazing hill.

Imagine, I went down as fast as you can go when you go downwards in a roller coaster.

You see, different perspectives aren’t that bad!. Now the hill has become my ally. 

Well, we did it outdoors, indoors, standing, falling, laying down, on the sand, in the car, pretty much from all the angles that we found it possible.

But the last time we did it, that night, I was laying down on his bed, under him, with my legs holding his body, crossed around his waist, he was staring at me, looking awkwardly directly into my eyes, penetrating my vision with those two blue eyes. I promise you, I could see whales and dolphins swimming in there.

He was touching my brown hair, my brown eyebrows with genuine curiosity, almost like he has never seen brown before.

“Your eyes are so brown — your hair and eyebrows are so dark.”- THE CREATURE said.

Bollocks! Turns out, I’m the creature too!.

Anyhow, as I was describing before, my legs were up crossed around his waist. 

He was moving in and out, in and out, in and in and IN.

My eyes started opening widely. 

I began to wonder, where is he trying to go? What is he trying to reach?. 

At some level I started being curious myself, thinking, oh! maybe he found a secret door and is trying to open it.

Is that where the lost and found the main office is?.

Are all the managers from all the jobs of the world hiding in there?. Always impossible to find those fuckers, especially when an employee is getting his ass kicked by a customer. 

During all this situation he never glanced once, he kept looking straight at me, I could feel the water splashing on my face, I was drowning in the immense blue sea. 

Finally, he says:

“I can get you pregnant”— I know this is the way — have seen it on YouTube's videos.”

OLDER MATURE WTF COOL ME replies:

“Please don’t!.”

I couldn’t get pregnant because we were using protection, but by some means, he was curious about the video he watched on YouTube and felt like experimenting on me.

This explanation took him twenty seven minutes, he was on and on about how this was the perfect position to put a baby in me while he was in, in me.

I would love to end the story saying that I learned not to date younger guys, but I would be lying, they are so cute! can’t get enough of them.

What I did learn, is how many interesting things I can experience before, during, and after sex.