LEFT AT THE ALTAR OF

EXPERIMENTAL LOVE

Summer nights, short, short pants and long, long hairs.

We were dashing on the streets, in the middle of the busiest area of a city, lights here and there, everyone was out, thirsty, looking for a cold one to drink or someone to kiss, by virtue of the warm night. The sweat, running down our sculptured legs, and a warm sensation burning from the inside out. 

We jumped on a bus, the stiff faces were so bright, eye contact felt like a must. We were annoying, the travelers on the bus that won’t shut up. We haven’t been doing anything with our day so we sound like irresponsible teenagers, which we are not, but we are still fresh, juicy enough. 

Once more, we jumped out of the bus to take another. When I say jump, it's because we were actually jumping from one place to another in the city of fury, then running again, stopping, buying liquor, back to running and jumping while drinking the liquor. The heat of the summer had got into us, as also, our last months of freedom. We had a sense that our time as young people under the view of the more professionally established adults, was about to run out. 

We were standing on a long line, outside of a gay club. I could hear loud laughs, louder compliments, and good vibes all the way from the start to the end. 

Her tiny hands were being especially warm with me. Somehow she wanted me to notice that tonight she was there.

We have always been there for each other, it isn’t a large group though, but every single one of us counts.

We were inside the club, high ceiling above us, a theater about to collapse it was the aspect of the building. I rushed to take the European stairs all the way up, to look all the way down, to capture a mental picture of my friends perfectly framed by the round shape, intentionally planned and built by some architect. 

“Come down!” She yelled.

A set of steps later, we were dancing, jumping, and sweating again. 

An international Queer band started playing. We went wild, as so they did. An atmosphere of sensuality was surrounding me. Red, blue, violet led lights reflected on ripped bodies, many outlined eyes mutually penetrating each other in every single direction. Everyone seducing anyone just to fulfill the desire of experimenting and the idea that tonight was all we had. Make it count, feel alive, taste mystery, taste anyone, taste me!

I joined the game of seduction, there was no one there who actually desired me, we all enjoyed playing it. 

She was getting closer and closer, touching my waist, grabbing it, pirouetting around me, still playing shy with the eyes, but burning me with the body. 

WAIT!.

Is someone desiring me? 

Are we still part of the game? Because this is starting to feel real, consequently confusing. 

I felt her lips on my ear, we were bouncing up and down, I kept dancing while she was talking to me. The loud music and the level of alcohol were affecting the conversation. I hardly understood what she was saying.

Stop!.

I wasn't understanding a word, although I wanted to keep dancing so I laughed, faking it, she hugged me, mistakenly kissed me on the neck, when aiming for the cheek. Her lips were back on my ear, I listened:

“You know.”- she said affirming.

After saying this, she pressed her body against mine.

I was very confused, my mind was processing this experience slower than my body.

“Do I like her touching me? whispering on my ear? What is she assuming that I know that I don´t know?.” -I asked myself.

My mind kept rumbling: she is drunk as fuck. Why am I not totally disliking this?

My body: she isn't that drunk, she wants you to know. 

My other friend's eyes staring at me: “What is happening?. What is she saying to you? Why are you two so close?.”

My mind playing safe: “I have no idea. She is doing it, don’t judge me. It's summer. We do crazy things in summer.” 

My body: “Don’t stop. Give me more signs so I can put all the pieces together.”

An observation: This wasn’t the first time I've been in this situation with her during this summer. 

Mate, I love summers, especially, Argentinian summers. You never know what to expect, everyone is keen on anything. Freedom is on the air, we react differently to the same situations we confront in other seasons, lifting the barriers and letting in more.

Picture me now, dancing loosens, allowing random people to touch me.

“ Let’s go dance somewhere else.”- She said. 

She pulled me by the shirt, we go through the mass, only the two of us dancing in the middle of strangers.

I was amazed, admiring them, they were so glamorous. The way they kissed without caring who was looking, the way they moved, the colorful shiny makeup on their faces, as well spread from the top of their chest to the lower part of the abdomen and beyond.

I closed my eyes, allowing my body to be guided by the music.

Listen to the beat of the music: 

♫♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪...

As I opened them, a girl was furiously kissing her.

I could tell this wasn´t their first kiss.

Then, I knew. 

My dearest friend has a girlfriend, another girl she has been kissing and falling in love with.

She kissed her instead of me, letting me, standing alone at the altar of experimental love.

For some time that night, I felt so captivated.

“Did you? or was it something else catching your attention?.”- Someone else said.

Adrenaline, my favorite substance, followed by mystery and to spice it up, something prohibited to me only by my mind, the perfect combination to make me bite. 

It was bright when we came out of the club, an abstract flag was the color of the sky, a few cars were passing by, their lights were like stars to my dizzy eyes. I could smell the uncontaminated air of sunset.

I walked her home, she leaned on my shoulder, falling asleep between steps.

I left her right outside of her door, she fell to the ground, I smiled and walked back to pick her up. 

I went on my knees, lifted her face up:

“ Hey, I’m here. I know and I'm staying right here.”- My whole me said.

She exhaled profoundly as if she was feeling relieved, taking only a small percentage of pressure from her shoulders, as I imagined telling me it was miles easier than having to tell her family. She smiled, time was suspended for a few seconds, then inevitably, her face went down, smashing the ground. 

SHIT! My bad. I thought I had her, but well, I guess we were both equally drunk. 

I took her upstairs, tucked her in, and laid down next to her. We fell asleep.